My kitchen has been out of commission recently due to some repairs being made at Casa de Marchese. I love to cook and I’m craving a good meal. Instead, I will sauté a tasty version of the Pulse this week. Bon Appetit!
Roasted Duck a l’Orange
This mostly concerns the run game, but the passing assets haven’t been much better. Hell, Tez Johnson has an ADOT of 0.3 yards(!). We knew some of the explosiveness would be stymied by the heavy sitting, comfort food style of the B10 with their corn-fed bangers. But the Ducks are simply void of explosive plays through two weeks against Idaho and Boise State (that’s a lot of potatoes). This offense tastes bland and is in desperate need of seasoning and spice. Oregon has one, I repeat….one, run of 15+ yards (and it was a 16 yarder). They have the lowest breakaway % of any P4 team. Dillon Gabriel has 13 yards on 11 attempts.
This may be a result of a vanilla ice cream game plan. Maybe this is what you get when you do so much of your shopping off the portal menu. But the real concern here is that the offensive line looks overmatched and incompetent versus two programs not considered to be prime rib in the trenches on defense.
ACL Rehab Served Rare
Let’s check the temperature of players who sustained ACL injuries DURING the 2023 season through two weeks. I’m sure there are more, but four players come to mind:
Andrel Anthony – Attempted to play in Week 1, but it looked like the chef rushed him to the table too quickly. He was quite underdone, with one catch for four yards and one drop. He lacked the ability to separate in routes and was a shell of his 2023 self. The Sooner staff put him back in the oven for Week 2, and he may not be seen for a bit.
Noah Whittington – We have already touched on the Crispy Ducks, and Whittington may be the crispiest. He’s averaging just 2.7 YPC on essentially the same number of carries he had in 2023 when he averaged 8.3 YPC with five runs of 15+ yards.
Mitchell Evans – Two receptions for 26 yards on three targets. His yards/routes ran is 1.0 compared to 2.18 in 2023. Add it to the list of questionable decisions by head chef Marcus Freeman.
Devin Voisin – The closest thing to a successful dish on this ACL menu. 10-137-0 receiving line through two weeks but getting smoked by Jamaal Pritchett more than the burnt ends at Kansas City Joe’s BBQ.
When the Sous Chefs Open Their Own Kitchen
Lance Leipold lost his top two offensive assistants, OC Andy Kotelnicki to Penn State and Matt Lubick, who left his analyst post to become the OC at Nevada.
Efficiency is paramount for a successful kitchen. Penn State has improved their yards per play from 5.5 to 7.5, while we are finally starting to see the main ingredients of Nick Singleton and Drew Allar really shine. Nevada has improved their PPG from 17.3 to 23.0 and yards per play from 4.3 to 5.8. Even crazier, Brendon Lewis has actually become a viable fantasy option at QB.
Meanwhile, in Kansas, Leipold hired Jeff Grimes to run his kitchen, and it’s safe to say the patrons in Lawrence are less than impressed with the changes to the menu. Sure, the main dish of Devin Neal is still tasty, but everything else is being sent back to the kitchen. KU has dropped from 7.0 yards per play to 5.0. Jalon Daniels looks pretty cooked, but here’s hoping he shakes off the rust for league play, as I was able to take a flyer on him from the waiver to-go menu recently in my home league.
Buffalo Amuse-Bouche
For those of you who don’t watch Top Chef (I mean, do you even like food?), an amuse-bouche is a single, bite-sized appetizer dish intended to prepare your palate for the rest of the meal. Is there a chance we got exactly that from the actions of the Colorado stars in their loss to Nebraska? Shedeur Sanders left the field and his teammates while the game was still being played with no public reprimand or rationale from the coaching staff.
I’m not here to be the culture police, but clearly, Deion Sanders has prioritized individuals over team when it comes to his two favorite sons, Shedeur and Hunter. Is it crazy that the two stars could shut it down if Colorado were to carry a losing record into the November 2 bye week after eight games? It could be costly in the CFF Playoffs.
Quickfire Challenge: Pitt Panthers
Most Top Chef episodes start with a Quickfire Challenge, where contestants have 30 minutes to make a dish with certain parameters. The old head chefs often struggle with this concept because they can’t wrap their heads around moving that fast. Pat Nardduzzi, aka Master Chef Nard Dogg, is the epitome of an old head. He hates change more than someone suffering from Cuprolaminophobia (I’ll save you from googling it—it’s the fear of coins).
But credit to Chef Nard Dogg for hiring new OC Kade Bell from Western Carolina and letting him cook. Pitt is moving at warp speed so far in 2024. Their pace of play has been cut from 26.1 seconds per snap to 19.9. That is an improvement from 58th nationally to 3rd!!! It is also a big reason so many Pitt players like Holstein, Reid, and Mumpfield have been waiver wire targets for two weeks.
Always tip your servers well. Cheers!
